Things You Can't Pick in Public

Have you noticed lately that people are as guarded with their politics as they are with their religion when it comes to public conversation? We have all been given the impression that the whole world is full of Sodomites and flakes, so we don't want anyone to know that we are just normal, hard-working citizens.

There are rules, it seems, to the American Political Theatre. I feel that the rules are kind of stupid, so I am going to now list the rules and suggest some revisions. As candidate for King of the United States, I feel that this is not at all presumptuous.

Rule # 1. The stupid people get to talk the loudest.

Revision- The stupid people get to sweep gutters and dig ditches. (all apologies to my strong ditch-digger fan base)

Rule # 2. The media is always liberal and controls information in order to spin the truth into political ammunition against conservatives.

Revision- The media broadcasts facts, and politicians do the necessary spinning. (Get yer own Ammo, Bub)

Rule # 3. It isn't socially acceptable to point out obvious flaws in logic, whether that logic comes from a politician or a real person.

Revision-It is socially unacceptable to not point out stupid shit, especially when said stupid shit is being spoken/broadcast via a public forum.

Rule # 4. We are required to flee from any conversation concerning race, unless all parties involved are discussing how bad white people are.

Revision-We are required to discuss race, and how race plays a part in our collective manipulation by the media and politicians.

Rule # 5. We are required to accept that things are just getting worse, because there is nothing we can do about it.

Revision-We will make the world a better place or die trying.

If you have a rule and a revision, or you just want to comment on these, please feel free to do so. If you are an idiot, please expect that I will point out your idiocy if you post a comment.

I Could Be King of Iraq

I'm back.

Anyway, I keep hearing politicians and newspeople whining about there being no plan for Iraq.

???

HELLOOO, people! I've got a plan right here!

That's right, folks, your friend, good-ol Bulldog two-three alpha (that is the proper way to say it, by the way) has a plan to win in Iraq!

First, we disarm the Iraqi people. Novel concept, I know. We take away their weapons so we can control them without getting shot. Then we ship a butt-load of hippies over there to start talking about how cool it is to love everybody and smoke dope and such. While they are busy mauling the hippies, we pounce!

I know, I know, I'm a genius. Enough with the praise, read on!

I say we just bomb the shit out of Iran and Syria. Everytime something blows up in Iraq, we should drop about twenty tons of TNT on Tehran or Damascus, and maybe the capitol of Venezuela, too, whatever it may be named.

Has anybody else noticed that the people who don't want us to disarm the Iraqi people are the same hippie fags that want to disarm Americans?

Does anyone else think that arming insurgents against AlQaida is kind of stupid?

Does anybody feel like we are being led into Armaggeddon by two monkeys, a peacock, and a donkey...? Sorry, I had waaaaaay too much fun in the eighties. Anyway, I really do think that the people of these United States should make me King of Iraq. I will turn Iraq into a Kurdish paradise, where it will be illegal to be anything other than Kurdish (unless, of course, one is King). For some reason, I just like those people.

Here's the real deal: We are just grasping at straws in Iraq. We should either bow out and call it a loss (which sucks, but saves a few lives and a lot of resources), or we should bring the ever-lovin' mountain to Muhammed. I'm game, either way. If the rich folks want to have a war for entertainment, we have the opportunity to provide one of the bloodiest and most one-sided of all games ever played. If they want to keep evening the odds so Haji has a fair shake, I would rather stay stateside and watch my kids play in the yard. Call me crazy, but I don't get the feeling that anyone in any position of power right at this very moment knows a damn thing about waging war.

Put me in charge. I'll run out the media, kill the bad guys, restore order in Iraq, grant Kurdistan their much-deserved independence, and sell oil to the United States for three dollars a barrel.

Let's try This Again...

here's the thing-Nobody really listens to you or me anymore. When's the last time a cop or a judge wanted your opinion? When's the last time a poll showed a public opinion that you thought was a realistic view of American Public Opinion?

I just want to do a little experiment. This is as much to prove something to me as to you.

I want you to imagine that we all took an unannounced day off. Every cop, every fireman, every truck driver, factory worker, CNA, CPA, social worker, grocery store clerk, construction worker, etc. If every working-class American just sat down one day and refused to participate, what kind of effect would that have on the economy? On international trade? On the media and our government?

Who runs this country? Who takes out the trash, cooks our meals, guards us in our sleep? (sorry, had to throw a little fight club in there)

We do.

Who votes, pays taxes, keeps the country running?

We do.

In order to remind the powers-that-be that we are, indeed, still running the show, we should stop doing what we do for one day. All of us.

Impossible, you say? Not at all. Unlikely? That all depends on how many people get convinced that it is a good idea.

So now we get down to details.

We want to take the day off on Friday, October 22nd, 2010. We want no legislators or government officials involved in this campaign. This is a holiday in protest of crooked government policy and corruption in the United States Congress. This is neither a conservative or liberal act. This is not a Republican or Democrat plan. This is an attempt at a united protest of our failing government.

Pass it on...