The Reign of King Jeff - Day 2

The Reign of King Jeff – Day 2

Part 2

Having dealt with the issue of Congressional salaries, my mind turns to foreign policy, which I would really rather just turn over to Colonel Hackworth, U.S. Army, Retired, but he’s passed on to his eternal retirement, and I am getting paid to deal with it. So here goes…

1. North Korea? Look, I don’t see where we have the right to tell another country that they can’t have any specific weapon, especially when we have them. I would, however, remind that pipsqueak with the severe case of small-man syndrome that no matter what they have, we have more. And should the day ever come where they think it worth the risk to launch an offensive attack against anyone, anywhere, with a non-conventional weapon, the first Trident II D-5 from the boomer we have permanently parked off their coast will reach Pyongyang in about 7 minutes.

2. Iraq? Well, if I had been around earlier, we wouldn’t be there, but now we are, so we have to have a plan. Here’s mine…

First, we start by making a worldwide show on YouTube and Google Video of just how well it’s going in Kurdish Iraq, where the people aren’t brain-dead morons who think smiling, eating regularly, loving children instead of shooting them in the back, and using toilet paper are sins. (With thanks to my brother Steve, who was the first to express this idea to me.)

Second, we tell the everyday, working Iraqis, as well as the Iraqi government, that they have exactly 90 days to roust out the troublemakers and publicly execute them, our troops assisting. At that point, if the job is not done, we will relocate to the oil fields and the Kurdish area and watch with complete dispassion as they destroy themselves. No more help with electricity, schools, hospitals, etc. My reason for this is simple: I would not be willing to risk the live of a single American serviceman for a million people who won’t take care of themselves. If they continue to display an unwillingness to throw off the shackles of mindless indolence created by hatred and an imbecilic religion that calls for the conversion, enslavement, or death of an “infidel”, fine. You love death? Have at it. You won’t be missed.

Third, when we leave, we leave. Everybody and everything. I told my sister before we ever got there that one of our reasons for going was to establish a permanent military presence in the region. I intend for us to fail at that. (While I’m at it, I’m also going to start reducing the number of foreign bases worldwide. There are about 185 countries in the world; we have bases in 130 of them.) With four times the known oil reserves of Saudi Arabia lying in oil shale in the Green River formation, we don’t need to keep sucking at the Middle East oil teat forever, and there damn sure isn’t anything else in those God-forsaken sand pits we need.

3. Europe? Frankly, I’m probably going to need some help on this one. Islam will have the entire continent by the throat in another 6-7 years, and while I don’t give a tinker’s damn about the socialist cowards that dominate the place, the development will have implications for us.

4. China? Thanks to a string of presidential failures all the way back to Nixon, keeping those people harmless would require a conventional military build-up that would make everything we have ever done look like a trip to The Dollar Store. If the boys from the Skunkworks don’t already have something in the pipeline, it will be time for another Manhattan Project. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t want to hurt them. I just don’t intend to leave them the power to hurt us.

Well, that’s enough for one day, don’t you think?

…I can’t help but wonder how much longer I have before the bullet comes crashing into my skull. The Federal Reserve Board is, I’m sure, thinking they’re next, and rumor has it they were seriously put-out when Kennedy set up that short-lived silver standard. I can just imagine how they’re going to react when I tell the country the Fed is a group of privately owned banks controlled by a handful of families, especially when I find out who they are and start naming names. Talk about the fit hitting the shan…

With that thought in mind, I’m going down to see if Mr. Clancy’s description of Camp David is close to the mark. I understand the food down there is even better than the White House’s.

Oh, that pastrami sandwich was okay, but I’m still a sucker for roast turkey, bacon, Swiss, and horseradish on rye. The Guatemala-Antigua was righteous. Tonight, I’ll try the Jamaican Blue Mountain. Never could afford the stuff before I got this gig, but there was that time when my ex- brought some back from a mission trip. Despite all the things that really make this life miserable at times, there are also some delights; a good cup of joe, a little girl’s giggle, the front porch swing on a warm October evening, a friend you can bare your heart to; I recommend you enjoy them as you get the chance.

Genuinely wishing you had it even close to as good as I do, I am, most likely,

Your doomed servant,

King Jeff