From Deep Inside the Mind of Bulldog23A...

OK, this may disturb you...

Today we are going to talk about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

PTSD isn't so much about combat as one might think. PTSD is more about what happens after combat. Put a guy in a high-stress, life-threatening situation, and something like 99.1% of all men will respond with the appropriate action. After the battle, when the guys have time to think about things, they often go one of two ways. Some guys will shut down and stop functioning in a normal manner. They won't eat, they won't sleep, and they won't be able to go back into battle. It happens to good guys all the time. The other group will get off on it so much that they will begin to thrive on violence. This is not bad behavior until they get home and continue to act in this manner.

You see, the hardest part of combat is coming home.

I'll use me as an example: I was a fire-team leader in Iraq. I had to supervise three guys in a combat environment. I had to be an example to them, and had to be sure that they would follow me into any situation. At times, I had to maintain my composure even when that was the last thing that I wanted to do...

Anyway, my days went like this:
1. Get out of bed (hopefully not in a hurry).

2. Tell my team to get up.

3. Eat.

4. Go on patrol. Maybe get shot at. Shoot back. Kick in doors. Search houses. Ask questions. Get answers.

5. Go back to base.

6. Clean weapons and equipment.

7. Get ready for next patrol.

8. Play Football on PS2 to unwind.

9. Go to sleep.

You see, my life was very simple over there, and I had the tough job. (Yes, Fire Team Leader is the toughest job, in my opinion). When I was on the street in Iraq, violence of some kind was the answer to every problem that arose. We were the all-powerful presence of the United States. I never had to sweat the light bill, the length of the grass, or the house payment. I never once took out the trash. I just had to keep from getting shot or blown up. It was easy.

Then I came home. Violence was no longer an acceptable answer to every problem. I became the paranoid guy that would snap for no reason. I still felt like I was ten feet tall and bulletproof ('cause I am), but I wasn't allowed to act like it.I had to be tolerant of people. I had to be patient with my wife and kids. I couldn't carry my weapon in the car. No one was trying to kill me. It was just strange. I also had to keep up with a whole lot of stuff, like the house payment, the yard (which I still let go at times), I even had to take out the trash. I wanted to be back in Iraq.

It took me about four months to stop wishing I was in Iraq. It took me about a year to stop jumping at loud noises. I still get paranoid in a crowd. I still have nightmares (the life-long curse of the Infantry Soldier). But I function at a relatively normal level.

Here's the thing; I don't have PTSD. I may have had a lot of the symptoms for awhile, but I don't feel like a victim of the war or anything. I'm not quite right, but then, I never really was.

A guy I know volunteered to go back with another unit. He was buried today. I wish I had the words to convey how strange that I feel about this. I'm sad for his family, but I think he died doing what he wanted to do. We weren't close, but he was a Soldier, so there was a bond. I wish that he had been more comfortable at home. I wish that he had had more time with his children.

On to my point. I've said it before, and I'll say again, I'm sure- Let's kick the crap out of these miscreants or get out. There can be no justifiable compromise at this point. Either we made mistakes and people died, or we plan to win something.

Don't get me wrong, when it comes down to it, Soldiers are in it for their buddies, and the politics don't really matter. But those of you who are "too smart for the Infantry" can surely see why we should end this one way or another.